So this time, I’ll start with the beginning. Hi, my name is Laura and I am a very complex person, just like you. Professionally, I make games, and my job is called a producer, even though the naming varies from studio to studio. I don’t believe in job titles. I see my job metaphorically as a thin white thread I use to tie everybody in the team in, to connect them and to work together towards a common, noble goal, which is making a product of value. This product happens to be games, which surrounded me ever since I grew up, and out of which I generally expect a lot. Before actually making games, I expressed my love for this field by writing, and I earned my living making software. My philosophy was the same back then as it is now: make something of value. Make something you know your users will find useful and/ or enjoy – preferably both

Currently, I make games in Milan, Italy. Before that, I made games in Bucharest Romania, and soon I’ll move my shop in Lidköping, Sweden. I am professionally involved in the video game making industry since 2009. I write about video games since around 2000. I game since my father first got me a HC (the Romanian substitute for a Spectrum). I do not consider myself a gamer, not in the sense this word has been used for the past 10 years, because I am very picky and I played and finished very few notable games. However, I do have frequent periods when I game daily, to the detriment of other stuff I should do.

I am a book and Internet worm and I am extremely interested and excited in many new emerging fields of study, such usability design (which I also do professionally in a freelance manner), gamification, complex design topics all aimed to discover and define the essence of fun, psychology and science of happiness, and the list goes on. I like TED a lot and I participate in the open translation project. I read Gamasutra almost daily and hold a big wish to blog there as well. I read a lot of game-related stuff and I plan to share every single bit of interesting information I find with you. I exclusively read SciFi and Fantasy literature and almost exclusively watch movies and shows of the same genre. I am reading the 5th book from the Wheel of Time series, and as soon as I finish that book, I’ll start my nice copy of A Dance With Dragons from R. R. Martin’s series A Song of Fire and Ice. The most memorable books I read in the last year or so were the Heorot books, the Coldfire Trilogy, the Vlad Taltos series, just to name a few. I am eager for any new EUREKA show, I watched the Babylon 5 series several times, I loved Defying Gravity, Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, again, just to name a few. I watch The Guild and read many game related web comics.  I played World of Warcraft for 6 years and now I am obsessing about Minecraft, even though my shiny new Portal 2 copy awaits me lonely on my Steam account. I love what I understand out of Indie games and philosophy. I am trying to make an indie game myself.

I’m married. I met my husband at 17 and I wake up almost every day finding myself more in love with my husband than I was yesterday. Almost, because sometimes I am just mad he accidentally blew up my newest, coolest Minecraft building or accidentally deleted my epic Morrowind character (true story). My husband and I share the same passions: we game, we digg SciFi and fantasy, we read lots of stuff that most consider pretty geeky, we currently travel the world together and make games. In all those years, we’ve literally been together almost all the time. We write together, begun our video game makers careers together, crunched together and commuted together in Italy. In about a month, we’ll pack our bags together, get our cat Tase and move to Sweden. Hopefully to make games together there too.

With this blog, I want to share whatever I learn throughout my career and life, and since I am so passionate about game making, I intent to make most of it about games. But I want to also write about life in Romania, Italy, Sweden, and wherever I may travel, to describe what I’ve been through so others don’t have to (or have to, if the story is positive ), to shed some light on this life of adventure, at least compared to the lives of those I know. I want to help myself remember my feelings and lessons. I wish that, in the process, I’ll manage to help someone else as well, but this is just a trial for me and an offer and should be perceived as such.

Many years after, I find myself back again in Italy. There and back again, much like old mister Baggins. The conditions are different and this time, I am following MY career path. No more old ladies, no more cleaning and ironing for a small hourly rate. Italy just happened to be the first to answer my call to become an international video game developer. I just happened to have some experience that turned out to be very, very useful. But it also turns out that my previous one year adventure was not by far enough to prepare me for this. In 2010, I found Italy to be surprisingly the same, if not worse than it was in my youth.  And I also encountered the bureucratic side of the country, which a wannabe immigrant like ex-23 year old me would never meet. And the banking system, which is a bi-product of the bureucratic one. And… it isn’t good.

So I found myself wondering, how can I possibly complain now, in my situation, when I had such experiences, such lack of certainty and money and everything one might need to lead a normal life. How can I now be stressed and depressed because of Italy’s impossible way of dealing with foreigners and generally with the people who inhabit her, when I lived without nothing but fear and lack of perspective for more than one year in this very same country?

I think I might have an answer. It was the sea. She made the difference. She and my confidence – one might rather call it naivete – provided by the fact that I was young and hopeful. I am still young and still hopeful, I hope more than I was back then,   but I missed the sea. And I fixed this right on Christmas Eve, which caught me on the shores of the Tyrrhenian Sea, in Marina di Massa, right on the Pontile which always invites Piazza Betti’s visitors for a dive or a sunbath or a fishing session.

I remember places completely, not just visually. I fall in love with places that have certain sounds, and sometimes certain smells too. I love the train station of Sesto Calende because each morning, the birds sing and the air is fresh. I remembered Marina di Massa by the sound of the waves and the smell of the salt and the sand, and all of them flooded me in this Christmas Eve and whispered in my ear all the reasons for which this chapter of my adventure should be a happy, fulfilling one. Encouraged by Sebi, who is a default constant of joy in my life, so always near that I often make the mistake to take it all for granted, I quickly picked up my old habit and filled my pockets with sea kissed beach rocks. No seashells in those parts, no sound to carry home, just plain cold rocks. Except that those are not plain cold rocks. They are the rocks of my past and most certainly the rocks of my future holiday. And they look AND smell like that place that made me grow up.

GUI design is a fun job and it involves a lot of creativity and communication. Above all, I believe it needs a strong will to serve, to make your future user’s experience pleasant. And this involves a lot of patience and the willingness to often discard a design you believed is great. The client and, most of all, your future users, always know best what they need. And even if it happens that they don’t, if you know the scope of the software you’re designing, then you’ll have enough solid arguments to make a case for your solution.

My experience taught me that good intentions are sensed by all parties involved. If I have a mindset of helping the people I am designing for, they always feel that and therefore provide the best gift a GUI designer can ever get: feedback. The users see a lot of things you have no way of seeing. Since they are the ones who will USE the product, they hold in their hand a bag full of helpful advice which is hard to give. If you design a niche software, you stand a good chance that its users suffer from the “expert system” which is to know a field of expertise so well, that you intuitively perform your work and cannot explain your intuition that doing X instead of Y is the right thing. So your users will often feel whether the interface is easy to use or not, and might have no ability to explain why. But if you cultivate a ego-free trial and error system (ok, if this option does not work, do you think this other option is any better?),  your users will relax and gain courage to provide feedback and demand changes. If you help, they’ll find a way to describe what is best for them.  Keep in mind that most people are not comfortable to say that the work of another is bad or not good enough (well, many are, but this involves another conversation about choosing the right clients). So if you have a good client, it is your job as an interface designer  to create an environment which nurtures good, productive feedback and to be humble and open to change, even if it is radical.

But my programmer entrepreneurs know better: games do not make you any money. At all. And they never will.  Which is a neat argument… but I believe in businesses that earn value, not only money. And that is why I like making games: in my eyes, there is a lot of value there, and most people in the industry have slightly different motivations compared to the regular, parent approved types of work.

So this post is not about new businesses nor an attempt to convince the world to make games (I have other means for that). Instead, it is a wishlist for my dream, which is to help establish or develop my own studio home, in Brasov. Why there? Because there’s no place like home and because Brasov is a special Romanian town with many hidden qualities that the world should know. Why a studio? Because I believe games is a word that limits some people’s imagination. Work can be fun, too. Work can be a game, and that’s one idea that fascinates me. Why my own? Because I dream of forming a team that creates a product (a game, perhaps, but not exclusively) with different means and reasons than the “normal” ones.  I’d like to form a team that has values and has a purpose which is different than profit.

This is a DREAM – one that could and just might see only the virtual lights of a day ( I actually find it neat to open up a virtual studio in a virtual Brasov – it’s reachable, easy and utterly modern). But that is what dreams are for: to be dreamed.

Because you see, patience is not just the art of waiting, but it is the art of waiting with hope. I never believed in destiny or in some higher power that controls our lives regardless of our actions,  but now I find myself often in situations where I know I’ve done my best to throw the dice the best I could, and I just have to have patience – the good kind of patience – that they will eventually provide a good result. Now it is time for me to have faith. And the hardest part is that I need to have faith for my family, not just for me.

I am using a lot of big words in this post, to describe what I am going through now that I am living the next chapter of my adventure. Funny, I have always though that  breaking into the video games industry will be the hard part and that bringing this forward in an international studio will be the hardest part. Now that I am here, the mountain I still have to climb remains just as high, but it is really just a matter of perspective. Sometimes, the most important and hard things in life are the easiest ones, the simplest to hold on to. I just need to hold on to my dream and to keep my family together, which is something we’ve managed well so far.

Which brings me to the purpose of this blog, which is to keep track of what I am doing, experiencing, in the hopes that someone else out there can benefit from it. So from “how to break into the gaming industry” to “how to survive being hundreds of miles away from home”, this blog will hopefully have it all.

Turns out that, if you want to surpass 100 years of life, you don’t need an organic diet, a lack of vice, a regular sporting activity or a super trained team of doctors. You need, instead, a strong community that you know will help you no matter what, a daily life which implies a little outdoors, a lot of love and IKIGAI. A purpose you know, a reason you live for. A meaning that you know with the deepest convictions of your soul that your life has. YOUR meaning.  

So people who grow that old not only enjoy a longer life, but they enjoy it in good conditions. It doesn’t help much to live that much if you spend many years immobile and unconscious in a bed, does it?  And IKIGAIs such as money or power don’t work – history did a relentless job of proving that over and over again. 

IKIGAIs that work are children and nephews, belief, regardless of whether it is religious or not, commitment to a trustworthy community and life long professions practiced with love and passion.

Which gets me to my IKIGAI. Truth is, our modern way of living is anything but compatible with the lifestyle described at TED. The "8 – 10 hours a day in an office" guarantees quite the contrary, especially if you are in the wrong office doing a job you don’t like. And people nowadays are so carefully trained to aim for money more than for purpose…   So the 8-10 hours we spend because of social compliance bring an even higher cost of living time. 

So how can we bring the true IKIGAI back to our lives? Well, this is the exact process I am going through now, and it is not an easy one. It has been more than a year now that I have left home to pursue this, and I am still too young to tell if I truly found my IKIGAI. Which is, making games. Because I believe that video games are a wonderful medium which CAN transform us as humans. In video games, we rarely run for cash; instead, in games we learn how to be heroes. And how to pursue a goal, a purpose that usually transcends our mere existance, be it real or virtual. In games, our progress is clear and we get immediate feedback on whether we’re doing good or not. It is thus easier to discern between good and evil, and if you do choose evil, you’ll never have the excuse of unawareness. 

I believe we are on the verge of a games revolution in all domains. Businesses might be surprised to know that loyalty is forged in many ways and that people are willing to do unbelieveable things if they believe in what they are doing. And that together – we are getting considerably better in forming large communities, aren’t we?- we can certainly accomplish a lot more than we ever dreamed of. 

So my IKIGAI is creating games that matter. My community that I can depend on is small, but close by, and hopefully will join me soon at work as well (some of it at least; I am not yet very sure whether my cat wants to develop video games, but I certainly believe there is a good chance for that too). 

To back up and summarize the odds and ends of my adventure, my job hunt has ended – I landed a job as Assistant Project Manager at a Romanian video games studio that works for one of THE publishers in this industry. I chose this position over a design one based on a simple reasoning (back then): as a manager, I can step in and shape the design process, but as a video game designer, I would not be able to help up managing a project. And since my past experience is heavily centered on management, the choice seemed logical.

So starting October 1st 2009, I moved to Bucharest and got my hands dirty from day one. No training, no “Hey, I’m X and I am going to be helping the management for this project” , no “Here’s the restroom”. I simply sat at my new desk and started writing.  Because it was crunch time already. Apparently, in the video games industry, there is always crunch time.

That was my fault, however. I asked the company that hired me to have work laid out from me from the moment I met them. If there is something I can’t stand, that’s being at work and getting bored. I like to get involved in my work and I treasure the outcome of my doings, especially when it involves a team of highly creative people that I can help and assist to perform at their best. That’s why I am so excited about the management process of any software project (video games included, and I say software because I was not involved in managing any other kind of project), because management is about trust, unity, and most of all, making everybody get the best out of everybody else. In my opinion, a good manager is the thread that holds the team together and is the team’s first and most important line of defense in front of The Client, who will always want the impossible for the smallest price possible.

I am getting ahead of myself again. I must point out that I am speaking from my own experience alone, and I have this faint feeling I am starting to scare people away from the video games making, which is the last thing I want to do. I am sure there are better starts in this adventure than mine, and I must admit that even my start is quite fulfilling, despite the long hours and the constant war I wage inside of me, with all the problems a crunched out software project made by an incredibly creative team poses. I have 4 years of management experience in software, and 9 years of video games journalism mainly centered on Game Dev. I play video games since I first got my hands on my father’s x86 at his work. Back in the 80s, in Romania perhaps more than in other parts of the world, having access at at PC was a big thing. I started my gaming experience by killing a bunch of pixels that I knew represented crows.

I am not a gamer, though. Especially now, I play very rarely, because of the lack of time and the repulsiveness a computer provokes me at home, after having spent that many hours in front of one at work. What excites me – and always has – is the stuff behind the games, the magic powers the developers have to make so many people experience adventures they’d otherwise never dream of. More importantly, I strongly believe that video games have not yet reached their potential, which is to do a tone of good in this world. What better way to show someone the attrocities of war, than through a game that offers a first hand, extremely real (and hopefully scary) experience?  What better way to train a student, than through a video game that can shape up skills, abilities and attitudes in an interactive, engaging way?  What better way to plan your house, or your own business, than through a simulation that costs close to nothing and can be made together with the people you chose? What better way to run a country than to try your laws beforehand, in a virtual, yet nonetheless real environment? I could go on and on, but I believe I made my point for now. The point being, that video games can be very powerful tools to get very important messages across a world full of people ready to invest time in them, time and interest.

But the video games industry is not yet centered on these ideals and I don’t know if it will ever be. Like Hollywood, the guys who hold the money are much more willing to bet on sure profits than on new found lands. And money drives the things here, not hope and ideals. I am not saying this is a bad thing – businesses need to be profitable in order to survive and thrive – but the frustrating part is that these profit driven reasons cut down the wings that most game developers have, and they cut them down without even wondering what the audience might want.  What’s truly amazing is that the audience wants more than pretty blasts, eye candy special effects and photo realistic graphics. Many games have already proven that – and not just in recent times.

I am sure that the video game press is not aware of the wars that go on inside the closed gates of the dream creators. I believe the press has forgotten its power and failed repeatedly to help those who can provide a change to really do so. It has forgotten the power of its voice and the fact that all video game sales are driven by this extremely important voice. All marketing and sales studies that THE publishers have start with the specialty press that conveys a title to the hardcore gamer, who then makes or breaks it by forwarding it (or not) to their circle of friends. I do not believe that all the people want from video games are hard tested challenges of fame, strength and fortune, dressed in the best graphics the hardware can provide now. And if I am right, then it is probably time to act.

What can the press do, you might wonder? For once, to go beyond the obvious and “make”, which is, promote a game that’s innovative and transmits a noble and powerful message, event if this message is not backed up by the latest trends in lip sync or the greatest cut scenes ever made. Remember that those eye candy effects you so heavily criticize are the ones that the most time was spent on,  time that could otherwise be invested in a better core mechanic that could have helped the game overall much more.

Demand to know the people who get their hands dirty, not the ones in suits who are responsible for selling you a fine packaged product. Seek their passion, seek to know them and make them shinier stars than those who hold the cash. Create celebrities amongst the game devs, like Hollywood did with their actors. Not to make them rich and famous, but to give them some of the power they so honestly deserve. If you can promote them, you’ll be sorting out the courageous people who could pave the way for video games with a deeper, bigger impact. Get to know the toy makers, and they’ll get to know you. Empower them, and you’ll make the money holders think twice before imposing on features that add nothing to gameplay, but are shiny and hence, easy to sell. Remember that most game devs are game devs because they are gamers, just like you. Their jobs pay worse than others, their hours are way longer, their responsibilities, bigger – the only thing remaining to follow such a career is passion. Just like you.

Go deeper. Anyone can write a review, but very few can speak out what they want from games, and even fewer have played enough to truly sort out and define the best moments from the worst.   Become real critics, not simple fan boys who may get to influence some sales and make some rich people richer. Connect with the large community you are a part of and find out what drives them, and promote that. Understand the bigger reason for which they – and you – enjoyed or disliked a particular game. I’d bet that wasn’t the graphics. Play for more than fun; play for meaning. It’s your job to do so, and your word the most important tool to shape this industry the way you want it.

Do your lessons better. Playing games with a notebook in front is easy, but wouldn’t it be interesting to watch the evolution of a studio, or a publisher, and get their trends? Find out where there strong suit is and what they bet on, to get those shiny dozen dollars out of your readers pocket, and ponder if they are worthy of this investment or not? Watch them closely, and you might even rescue those in need, the passionate people who probably contributed in creating your favorite game. Learn who hires and who fires, who buys studios and who closes them, try to find out why, speak up. Read not the, but through press releases, investigate, demand to know how business works, how studios look like, what their plans are, how much a publisher is involved. Be the voice of the gamers. Roleplay marketing to find out what sells and shape the expectations of your readers. You are the most important trial a game must pass, and through that trial, remember that the guys with money are never judged, only the ones who did the hard work instead. So find out who are you truly punishing or praising and make sure that they are worthy of your judgement.

Once you’ll be more involved in the “how it’s made” process, you will be able to judge any game better. I believe there is a great need of people who are able to become true game critics. The video games industry is growing up, and like any teenager, it is now at a time when it needs wardens to teach it how to behave, how to develop the basis of a great future and how to become truly valuable for people. You are these wardens. So start taking on this responsibility.